Friday, 20 February 2015

So yeah, I'm not very good at keeping up with this blog haha. But in all honestly I have been super busy between work, uni and assignments. I done some night shifts the other week which was fun.I love nights, I am such a night time person. I've applied for a few jobs, hoping to hear something from them soon. I've identified an area I would like to work in, but I still have the dream of being a storm chaser. What can I say, tornados are my all time fav hazard.

I have a  residential field trip the week after next. Its going to be very strange not having the hazards girls with me on it. But my new friends are awesome. We are also slowly learning more and more about Sicily, which I am ridiculously excited about. I'm really looking forward to comparing it with Vesuvius.  

I been thinking a lot lately about the past. And although its something I try not to dwell on sometimes its good to look  back. In the past few years I have grown a lot, more than I realised. I think it all started really when I left Kent. I mean the easy option would have been to stay and finish my Forensics Degree (something I would one day like to complete) but I think Forensics is something you have to be ready for, to deal with the horrors day in day out, and I just wasn't. It also would have been easy for me to drop out altogether. But I didn't want that so I fought for what I wanted. I got the education I wanted and most important deserved. I learned to fight again. And that was something I definitely feel like I lost in College. Especially being made to feel like I wasn't smart enough to achieve my dreams. Being told time and time again that they don't think uni is for you, and that you would struggle, diminishes a persons self believe and I'm not gonna lie, I did get to the point where I was like 'what's the point, why even try if all i'm gonna do is fail'. Which I guess explains my A levels results....

I also been thinking a lot about my previous relationships. Not that I want to go back, I have come so far it would be ashame to go back now. But I think they main thing I realised was that we were both kids. We didn't know what we were doing really, the damage we were causing. I'm not sure how I impacted his life, if there was any impact at all, but I know he had a huge impact on mine. I think that we were both to blame for the situation we ended up in. I should have learned from my mistakes, and he should have learnt  from his. But in all truth, we were so different, everything from music to our aspirations in life. It was bound to end this way on way or another. It doesn't mean that learning to trust someone new isn't hard. And baby steps is definitely something that needs to be taken, but for the first time in however many years I feel hopeful. Hopeful that I will get everything I want and deserve in life. Hopeful that I remain strong enough to tackle anything that comes my way.

Even with lost friendships, and there has been a few along the way, some we just lost touch and some there was cracks in the foundation. I think its always a shame to lose a friend, especially because each one of them have had a part in my life, no matter how big or small, our fingerprints will always remain on the people we touch. Theres always something so secure about someone you have known for years. You never need to explain your actions because they just get it.

I think reflection is good to do from time to time. It allows you to see how far you really have come. it allows you to learn from your mistakes. But it is also important to remain looking forward, to not live in the past. The past is good, but its a past for the reason. The future is exciting, who knows where I will be in 6 months! and thats the beauty of things, and the beauty of life is that no one knows. Its exciting and scary all rolled into one. 

Anyhow I'm due to donate some blood soon so I should probably go and get ready :). 

Until next time; (which hopefully wont be so long)

Aimless :) xx

"There comes a moment when its more than just a game, and you either take that step forward or turn around and walk away, I could quit, but heres the thing, I love playing the field"